Devoted to the Propagation and Defense of New Testament Christianity
May 19, 1955

A Letter From A Sponsoring Congregation

(Adapted From "The Evangelist")

Saul Paul, Evangelist Corinth, Greece Dear Brother Paul:

The "Blazon of Gospel," our nationwide program of work made possible by the cooperation of many congregations has suffered as the result of your outspoken opposition. Many congregations have ceased supporting this work — they seem to be so shallow in their thinking as to believe it is wrong for churches to cooperate. Who are you to set the pattern of congregational cooperation for all time?

It shall be our policy to be as frank and open minded as possible with you in this matter. We have made an exhaustive survey of your history and we feel it necessary for the good of the "Blazon of Gospel" to expose you. We are surprised that you have been able to hoodwink so many congregations.

At Antioch for example, we learn you opposed Brother Simon Peter, an esteemed preacher of the gospel, and actually rebuked him publicly. You stirred up so much trouble at Antioch that a special meeting of apostles and elders had to be convened in Jerusalem. Who can condone such conduct?

Do you think it seemly for a missionary to do part-time secular work? We hear that you are making tents on the side. In a letter to the church at Philippi you admitted that they were the only church supporting you. We wonder why? We also wonder if the church contributes to your tent-making enterprise.

Is it true that you have a jail record? Certain brethren report that you did two years in the penitentiary at Caesarea and were also imprisoned at Rome. You made so much trouble for the business men at Ephesus that they refer to you as "the man who turned the world upside down." We also deplore the lurid "over-the-wall-in-a-basket" episode at Damascus.

We are appalled at your obvious lack of tact and the indiscretion in your writings. Diplomatic men are not stoned and dragged out of the city gate, or assaulted by furious mobs. Have you ever suspected that gentle words gain more friends? I enclose a copy of Daius Carnegus' book, "How to Win Jews and Influence Greeks," and commend it to your careful study.

You have caused trouble everywhere you have gone. You opposed the honorable Greek women at Berea and the leaders of your own nationality in Jerusalem. If a man cannot get along with his own people, how can he convert sinners?

You admit that while you were serving time at Rome, "all forsook" you. Good men are not left friendless. Three fine brothers, Diotrephes, Demas, and Alexander the coppersmith, have notarized affidavits to the effect that it is impossible for them to cooperate with either you or your program.

We know you had a bitter quarrel with a fellow missionary, Barnabas. Harsh words do not further God's work.

You have written many letters to churches where you have formerly worked. In one of these letters you accused a certain brother of living with his father's wife, and caused the whole church to suffer humiliation. You seem to have the habit of going off half-cocked with wild rumors and accusations against your brethren.

You spend too much time talking about the "Second Coming of Christ." Your letters to the people at Thessalonica were almost entirely devoted to this theme. Put first things first from now on.

Your ministry has been far too flighty to be successful. First, Asia Minor, then Macedonia, then Greece, then Italy and now you are talking about a wild goose chase to Spain. Concentration is more important than dissipation of one's power.

In a recent sermon you said, "God forbid that I should glory in anything save the cross of Christ." It seems to us that you also ought to glory in our nationwide program which carries the message of the cross to so many millions. This is the church at work.

Your sermons are much too long at times. At one place, you talked until after midnight, and a young man was so asleep that he fell out the window from the third story and was taken up dead.

Brother Luke reports that you are a thin little man, bald, frequently sick and always so agitated over "departures and innovations" that you sleep very poorly. You are so fearful of "trends" and "dangers" that you do nothing at all.

It hurts me to have to bring all this to your attention, Brother Paul, but I do this in defense of the "Blazon of Gospel." Frankly I hope you will not continue your opposition to the "Blazon of Gospel" — if you do, it may be necessary to quarantine you along with some other rank characters of the "Guardian Angel" brand. We know what you are and if you persist in this opposition it will be necessary for us to publicize your life story.

Yours sincerely, J. Flavius Fluffyhead