"Thou hast given a banner to them that fear thee, that it may be displayed because of truth." — (Psalm 60:4)
"Lift ye up a banner upon the high mountain, exalt the voice unto them." — (Isaiah 13:2)
Devoted To The Defense Of The Church Against All Errors And Innovations
Vol.V No.III Pg.7b
October 1942

A Quack Doctor-"Pastor's Papers Granted To Duck"

G. K. Wallace

My hope for a doctor's degree is about gone. I had great hopes. My two prospective sources have passed out of existence. I still have a faint hope about which I shall speak later.

The first source of my hope was killed by Joe Penner's Duck. If it had not been for Joe's duck I could have been a doctor. I might have even become a bishop.

"The story of the duck, Googoo, owned by Penner, radio and screen comedian, came out in a report by Dr. U. L. Ghilini, investigator for the ministerial association (Los Angeles). He said one so-called church had ordained at least 918 persons as ministers for $10.00; a doctor of divinity degree without study for $5 more; and the rank of bishop for $15 additional."

Since I did not have the money to buy my degree I had to let this pass. Of course, I might have enrolled in some university and worked for several years for one. Still there is some doubt in that line. The officials call my thesis "the work of someone else." Since I have not earned a doctor's degree I must either beg, buy or brag one. Since degrees are not for sale any more you might brag on the president of some school and he may give you a degree. Did you ever hear of some one getting a degree that did not brag on the "president and his school"? Read Dale Carnegie and learn how to brag on the school and you may save years of hard work. Don't try schools like the University of Texas as they plainly say in their catalogues that they will not give honorary degrees. Neither does the University of Oklahoma. But Harding College and A. C. C. will.

Concerning my hope for a degree, I know that Harding College is out as my name has appeared on the Bible Banner staff, and anything I might say about Harding would never offset my connections with the Banner! My only hope is the Bowser Institute at Fort Smith.

I have noticed that as a rule several months before the degrees are passed out, those who desire to get them speak or write in complimentary terms of those who hand them out. I here raise my voice in behalf of Joe Penner's duck. Also petition the Bowser Institute for an LL.D. degree. So far as I know the Bowser Institute has as much right to give one as does the Harding and Abilene Colleges. I prefer my unearned degree from Bowser Institute because "the great minds" among us say that the colored preachers are the best preachers in the church.

Dr. William A. McKeever, now dead, once founded a church in Oklahoma City, called the "Lover's Church." It also is now dead. This church was founded to "plant a bomb shell under the infernal divorce mill." The first service attracted one hundred fifty women and six men. This church proposed to correct this situation by "a course of lessons in how to make love and how to select a mate." Since I had read a book by one of our famous authors entitled "Love, Courtship and Marriage," I felt sure that by taking a post-graduate course under Dr. McKeever that some school would call me in and give me the coveted "degree." This course has ended. My only remaining hope is the Bowser Institute.